Why Can’t She Get a 3rd Date?

Posted on 2025-07-31

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Hi Moxie, For the past 4 years Ive been dating men that I either meet online or out at bars, etc. After lots of dating experiences Ive made all sorts of mistakes, sleeping with the guy after the first date and then expecting a relationship, getting attached way too quickly, acting insecure or pushy after a few weeks into the romance, etc. ect. Theres also been times when I just loose interest in the guy after a few dates and decide to stop dating them.

Ive been out with a few new guys in the past few weeks. 2 guys and another guy that I met online and who called me 3 times the last week and a half and asked me out for an afternoon date this Saturday. 1 of the guys from last week seemed pretty into me and said we should plan to go out again early next week (meaning this week) I said I would like that and to call me to plan something. I havent heard from him which is ok. Even though it is a story that repeats itself so Im not at all surprised, I would like to know why do guys do that? The guy even asked me if he could get a kiss at the end of the date and I said yes. I gave him a peck on the lips and that was it.

Then the other guy, which I liked the most, we went out last Tuesday. Same thing, peck on the lips as I was leaving. He walked me to the subway. Then he texted me that night to say he had a great time and that we should do it again. I texted him back the next day saying I did too and that I would like that. He texted me 2 days later asking me if I was free Friday after work for another drink. Dinner on a real first date would be more appropriate but hes european and I thought maybe dating is different there, plus it was right after work.

Anyway, we went out and had a great time and kissed, pretty intensely this time. He walked me to my subway again and he said we should go out again next week. I had told him my weekend was totally busy and had some things already scheduled the first few days of the week except Monday. But I said yes we should go out again. He texted me on Sunday to ask me how I was doing and to tell me he saw a movie I recommended and that he liked it. It was just a few texts and he sent the last text. Its Tuesday and I havent heard from him. I dont plan on contacting him.

Really Im just wondering why do guys do this? Wasnt that the right moment to ask me out if he wanted to? And if he doesnt contact me again, what happened? This has happened to me before, so my real question is, what could be the reason (what should I do differently??) Im not moving onto the 3rd or 4th date when the guy seemed so interested (ie. asking for a kiss, saying he wants to go out again and picking a place, texting?)? Would love to hear the mens perspective on this.

Thanks! |Age: 31

If I’m following this correctly, the guy you went out with last Friday not only a) asked you out again but b) followed up with you on Sunday and sent you the last text. So then, he sent the last text and you never replied? Or..what? So now you’ve got your heels firmly dug in to the ground and you’re waiting for him to follow up AGAIN?

Let me give you a peek in to his mind. He suggests you get together again. You tell him how full your calendar is except for Monday. He sends you a text that same night after the date saying he had fun. You reply the next day. He contacts you a few days later via text, you don’t respond to the last text. (To be fair, we have no idea what the conversation was, if he was just saying Goodbye, whether his last message warranted a response.)

He’s thinking you’re not interested. That’s the first possibility. The second is that he’s a man and he’s online dating. Which means he has options. He doesn’t have to wait around to see if you’re going to warm up to him. He can find someone who is more responsive or that tickles his fancy more pretty easily. Obviously, someone shouldn’t tolerate rude or bad behavior. But this idea that a man should put on a kicky song and dance just so a woman can feel special and important to him is bullshit. Unless the attraction is mutually intense, most men aren’t even hugely invested until they’ve slept with a woman. Up until then, you’re just someone he likes that he hangs out with occasionally.

Dinner on a real first date would be more appropriate but hes european and I thought maybe dating is different there, plus it was right after work.

That’s not really your call.

You do yourself such a disservice by thinking a man should follow a certain set of steps or rules or should prove himself to you. While you’re sitting there keeping score and judging his choices, he’s online chatting with a woman who has no problem meeting him for a second date at the local dive bar for $3 pints. He’s not really concerned if he’s hitting all his marks with you. Nor should he have to be. If this is how you really think, don’t kid yourself in to believing that men aren’t picking up on it.

From the sounds of it, it wouldn’t hurt if you were a tad more responsive. It’s okay to show that you’re interested. In fact, it’s pretty crucial. I know so many men who are completely oblivious to the fact that a woman is flirting with them or interested in them. Sometimes you really need to make the extra effort and just say outright how you’re looking forward to seeing him again. You also need to show appreciation. Take the initiative and follow up with a thank you text. Don’t sit back and expect him to prove to you his level of interest after two dates.

Most men look for a woman who meets them half way, starting on the first date.